Boundaries during the Holidays

This past week was Thanksgiving and something that I kept thinking about was boundaries with my family during the holidays. Over the years, we, as a family, have had to set and change boundaries to protect each other and our family as a whole. Especially as the “children” (my siblings, cousins, and myself) have become adults and we all have many different beliefs and opinions. One of the biggest boundaries is not talking about politics as a group. For the most part, we are all in agreement about politics and the things happening in the world. However, we have in the past had heated discussions (some might call arguments) happen because of difference in opinion. Because of these discussions, the boundary of not talking about politics was set and enforced.

Family dynamics are especially challenging during the holiday season. Most people want to spend time with their loved ones. However, for some people spending time with their family and loved ones is difficult, hurtful, or even traumatizing. The holiday season can make some people feel really alone and isolated. Setting the right boundaries with friends and family might help lessen those feelings of loneliness and isolation!

Have you thought about setting boundaries with friends and family during the holiday season? What does having boundaries with your friends and family look like for you? Do you need boundaries in specific areas of your life with your family and friends? Ask yourself, “What areas of my life am I giving up me?” Is it keeping certain topics of conversation off the table because you don’t want to fight with your family? Is it only spending a certain amount of time with your family during the holidays because you can only handle a certain amount of your sister’s partner’s attitude? Is it making the decision to not interact or spend time with certain members of your family because they are rude and hateful? It could even be telling your family “I will not be coming to this holiday event because this family member/person will be there and I am uncomfortable being around them.” All these boundaries are valid and acceptable. Protecting yourself and your mental health is the reason for you to set boundaries. Understanding that you are deserving of this protection is another major part of setting boundaries. If you are uncomfortable with setting boundaries or you don’t have much experience setting boundaries, especially with family, you might feel some guilt around enforcing the boundaries. Please remember you are so deserving of your boundaries and the protection they provide. There is no need to feel guilty about it.

A few affirmations that might be helpful when learning to set boundaries:

I am worthy and deserving of setting and maintaining boundaries that serve me.

I can respect the feelings of others and still honor my own.

I give myself permission to set boundaries and enforce them.

I sincerely hope this helps if you are learning to set and enforce boundaries in your life! If you would like to work on setting and enforcing boundaries, I would love to partner with you and help you figure out how boundaries could benefit you and change those areas of your life.